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To The Dad Who Yelled At My Son…

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My son is five… but you know that because you asked him how old he was when you yelled at him, right? 

I’m sorry he grabbed a toy from your son, but I don’t think that gives you – an adult – the right to act as impetuously as he did. 

He made a bad choice… something five year olds are prone to doing. 

And, while I’m all for him taking his lumps, your reaction last night was uncalled for. I have no problem with a parent calling out my kid when he does something wrong. You could have asked him to give the toy back and told him he shouldn’t have grabbed it. (And you know what? He would have apologized.)

Yes, he made your three year old cry, but there was no malicious act involved. He simply took a toy.

If you hadn’t come in guns-a-blazing, there would have been the opportunity for a real, teachable moment. Instead my son was shocked, on the brink of tears and, understandably, dropped the toy when you started yelling at him… at which point you accused him of “throwing the toy”. (What?!?)

As I sat nearby, watching all this unfold, I was *this close* to coming over and intervening. And, if you had said another word, I would have. But to be honest, I was trying to stay calm and didn’t want the ordeal escalating any more than it already had. And there’s something to be said for letting kids deal with their mistakes.

I was trying to be the example that my son deserves, not a raving lunatic. 

So, to the dad who yelled at my son…

I hope you saw the anguish and tears in his eyes when he ran to me, buried his face in my lap, and fiercely bawled his eyes out.

I hope you saw how your actions made him feel worse than anything he did to your son.

I hope you feel remorse knowing that your behaviour – and the example you’re setting for your child – was reprehensible. 

And I hope you realize that the only bully in this situation is you.

Comments

  1. Darlene Schuller says

    wow, I would've approached him all adult like… yes your son needs to learn as well I get that, but he also needs to learn that you will stand up for him, be there for him… protect him.. especially against an adult. No yelling or name calling is required on your behalf at all… so sorry he went through this.

    • fabfrugalmama says

      Thanks, Darlene. I’ve never had to deal with something like this before, so I was quite shocked at what happened. That being said, I think my son handled it well and we made a teaching moment of it all. Are there things I would do differently next time? Maybe. But that’s what parenting is all about – learning as we go.

  3. Christine says

    Wow! You’re right. That would have been a perfect opportunity for a teachable moment. I am so shocked to hear about how that father responded. Absolutely shocking. Did you later discuss this with him? So sad to hear this and sorry you and your son had to experience this. It really makes one step back and look at how we would have reacted. I don’t think I’ve ever yelled at another person’s child before. There ARE better ways to TALK to children and try to TEACH them how to play with each other and what is acceptable behaviour and what is not. THAT was not acceptable behaviour and it’s sad that it came from an adult.