Through the Haze

The first year of baby #2’s life was a haze to me. Sleepless nights, and the resulting zombie-esque days, left me feeling disconnected, like a ship without a sail. I was cranky, to say the least. I looked like crap and barely recognized the person staring back at me in the mirror. Some days I even found it tough to pull myself together for afternoon school drop off, with my greasy hair in yet another messy ponytail and wearing yoga pants for the third day in a row.

Sound familiar?

I’ve gotta admit, I really admire the amazing women out there that, despite everything else that’s going on, somehow rally enough to dress nicely and put makeup on every day.  I want to know how they do it.  (Really… please divulge your secrets in the comments. 🙂

The funny thing is, I never felt that overwhelmed with my first child. Or, maybe I did, but I just forgot. That’s probably what “baby brain” is all about…losing brain cells may be nature’s way of helping us forget the shit, so we’ll do it all over again.

The big difference for me with baby #2 can be summed up in one word: SLEEP. My first baby slept through the night at 9.5 weeks – I kid you not. She was a miracle of nature, giving her Daddy and I a solid 9-11 hours of uninterrupted sleep almost every night, bless her heart. (Sickness and teething being the exceptions, of course.) I know this probably sounds like I’m spewing competitive, Type A parent BS, but it’s true. Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m a real (read: flawed) parent who’s not afraid to tell it like it is!

So when the second one came around, I wasn’t expecting a year of sleeplessness. To be fair, I figured I’d have a bad sleeper, because what are the chances of getting two alike? But I was thinking more along the lines of six sleepless months, not twelve. In turn, there’s a lot that I don’t remember from that first year. I often think, “How will I even be able to fill out his baby book?” (No, I haven’t done his baby book yet… nor my daughter’s. It’s on my to-do list.)

All I can say is thank goodness for my iPhone. Seriously. If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t have diarized any of his firsts. Or taken any pictures. Now I kind of understand why there are only a handful of baby photos of me, as I’m a second child, too. (Sorry for harbouring just a wee bit of resentment all these years, Mom. I get it now. xo)

My baby is a big boy now, sleeping through the night and growing up before my eyes. He’s the happiest kid on the block, greeting everyone he meets with a dimple-infused smile. Each morning, and after nap, he has taken to saying, “So good to see you, Mama!”, which melts my heart every time. He is such a sweet boy with a wonderful, quirky personality who is constantly amazing me. Seeing him interact with his sister is hilarious and touching, a joy to watch. It gives me more fulfillment than I could have ever imagined.

The fog has cleared. I’m grateful to be fully present, able to enjoy each day and excited to see what the future holds.